Narrated by Emma Dell

This story begins with my first memories of my Old Order Amish family in rural Pennsylvania with seven brothers and two sisters. Life was never boring at our house. We were very self sufficient, raising most of our food and canning it to take us through the long winter months. As a young child I learned to follow the very strict rules of the church. I was taught not to question the rules but to obey them as our forefathers did.

My oldest brother, John, left the church when I was a baby. As a youngster I knew of him and thought him very tall and handsome. When I grew a little older and saw his dedication to our family, who gave him no support, but repeatedly told him that his soul will surely be doomed to hell if he doesn’t mend his ways and come back to the Amish church, my respect for him grew tremendously. Watching the interactions between John and the other family members, soon made me become aware of the fact that I, too, was different from my brothers and sisters in the sense that I didn’t blindly accept the rules but wanted to understand where they come from and what they mean.

When I turned nineteen years old I ran away from home only to be found by my brother Pete, who took me back home. I was locked in the house and watched very carefully. Three days later I found an opportunity to ride away on horseback.

The transition from Amish life to life in the world was a difficult one to say the least. There were lots of hurdles to overcome. Many times I had great desire to go home to my family, however, knowing that I could not live a life that I didn’t believe was right for me helped me to forge ahead.